A Primer on Parental Alienation
It is important to understand the troubling notion of "parental alienation," and how this is assessed in evaluating a child’s best interests in a custody determination. Parental Alienation, or "PA," is a term used to describe when one parent "turns" a child against the other parent. In cases where the court makes a finding of PA, it can be a deciding factor regarding custody. The attorney role, then, becomes even more critical to establish the presence of PA, and the effect on the child.
To prove PA, it is critical to establish time and consistency, and have corroborating evidence. In the landmark decision of McCoy v. Pelletier, No. 2008-0533 (Cooper’s Case), 455 Mass. 209, 210 (2009), the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court recognized PA as a type of human behavior that can occur in response to a meltdown or dissolution of parents’ relationship. The court considered PA referred to "a process supported by a constellation of behaviors in which one parent ‘turns’ a child against the other parent creating hostility towards the alienated parent."
In addition to McCoy, the court in Rabinowitz v. Watrous, 67 Mass. App. Ct. 453, 458 (2006), also took notice of a seminal paper on parental alienation by Gardner, entitled, "Regression in a Child with Parental Rejection after 1 Hour of Therapy: A Therapeutic Countertransference," Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, 1998, Vol. 28, No. 3/4, pp. 127-143. In his study, Gardner coined the phrase "parental alienation syndrome"- or "PAS," also known as parental alienation- and defined it as: "a disorder that arises primarily in the context of child-custody disputes," which "is labeled a syndrome because it does comprise a well-defined, recognizable cluster of symptoms that are clearly delineated". In proof of the danger of PAS, Gardner reports that he has "seen a number of children, some of them even three years old, die after being ‘turned against’ an affectionate and loving parent." Since that time, PAS has been over the years, in the literature of family law, semantics surrounded by the terms "parental alienation and PAS."
Some research on PA by Dr. William Bernet, MD, and colleagues – reported in the Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychology in 2013 – points to 17 parent behaviors characteristic of PA, which included: Researchers also noted that PA daughters accused their fathers of being abusive, hostile, manipulative and deceitful . The relationship between the PA daughter and her father also zeroed in on her behaviors such as being defiant and oppositional. The PA mothers also exhibited personality disorders, narcissism, Borderline Personality Disorder, and psychosis.
Let’s look at the signs you may have parent alienation on your hands, so you can nip it – or at least address it before it gets worse: The following are some of the symptoms of parental alienation (not a diagnosis):
Dr. William Bernet, MD, a researcher on parental alienation, and co-author of a new book called "Parental Alienation: Science and Law," says that there are two ways parental alienation manifests. The first is through endorsing the behavior, or when a child has active support from one parent to cyberbully and harass the other parent. The second is the more common manipulation by the alienating parent to reduce contact with the other parent or not attend special events with them. Bernet’s behavioral checklist includes things like the children exhibiting hatred or resentment towards the alienated parent, poor self-esteem, depression, anxiety, perfectionism and unresolved childhood trauma.
This information begs the question, why parents engage in parental alienation, and what parents engage in this seemingly aberrant behavior. Dr. Amy J.L. Baker, in her paper for the American Journal of Family Law Litigation wrote that many parents engage in parental alienation to retaliate against the other parent, to conceal sexual or physical abuse by the alienating parent, to gain or protect access to the former spouse’s assets, and to feel more powerful while acting in the best interests of the child.
And finally, please note that if you suspect alienation, there are some strategies you can try which may diminish the behavior. There are many things parents can do to improve their chances of success in reducing PAS. Common suggestions include: So, in the end, if you find yourself in a situation where your ex is trying to actively turn your children against you, you may find that seeking appropriate counseling by skilled professionals is critical. Ultimately, because children have the ability to perceive both parents from distorted angles, they can be most easily manipulated through the machinations of lies or misinformation. But with time, work and professional services, the truth can come out.
Making Your Case
One way we work with our clients and parents facing the threat of parental alienation is to gather the evidence needed to prove this form of domestic abuse. Specifically, we help our clients identify: Keeping an ongoing record of conversations and interactions with the children, Any instances of back talk or disrespect shown to the targeted parent, Any times the comments back at you are parroting back what the alienating parent says to their children, Any times the alienating parent and their family members go after you in public or via social media, Evidence of brainwashing, such as the child being rude to you when they used to enjoy spending time with you, Text messages or other communications where the alienating parent gets angry when you talk about the kids and your possession time, Records of when the alienating parent would tell the children that they are the "chosen parent," and Full text of all communications between you and your relationship.
Our clients also enlist the support of their therapists, as well as licensed parenting evaluators and adjudicators, which further bolsters our evidence.
Legal Gameplans
In addition to the considerations mentioned in the previous section, several legal strategies can be employed when parental alienation becomes the focus of a court hearing.
Professional Evaluations
The court can order the evaluation of the parents or the children, or both. The evaluation will assess the degree to which parental alienation exists and whether it has seriously affected the children. The evaluator will be asked to recommend how to resolve any issues that were identified in the evaluation. With regard to the children, there can be different recommendations: 1) they are not affected and the parent’s behavior is the problem; 2) they are not affected, but they need help; or 3) they are affected and need some form of intervention. The evaluator is likely to conduct interviews, administer standardized tests, review prior records, and observe interactions. Children ages 12 and older are fairly competent to work with an attorney and participate in the legal process if that is in their best interest. A professional evaluator will be expected to testify and defend his/her opinions and not be able to hide behind the generally more clinical written report.
Expert Witnesses
In addition to or instead of an evaluation, either parent may ask the court for permission to hire an expert witness. This is typically a mental health professional who has specific experience with parental alienation to evaluate the children and/or parents on his/her behalf. The judge may refuse the request if a prior evaluation for the same purpose has been done, but if the first evaluation is deemed insufficient by the judge to address all of the pertinent issues, the judge should allow for an expert witness to be retained.
Parental Alienation – Types of Cases
In our experience, there are three main categories of parental alienation where the court needs to utilize the expertise of a trained mental health professional. Each of the three types will require a different type of testimony and may involve different criteria to successfully support a claim of parental alienation. Some cases involve well-intentioned parents whose children have been caught in the crossfire. In this situation, one parent has rejected the other parent and alienated the children from them in a vicious manner. While the rejected parent may have shortcomings, the alienating parent’s manipulation has poisoned the family dynamic. In this relatively common situation, there might be some cause for concern with the rejected parent, but the alienation syndrome will be worse for the children. In this case, the offending parent is emotionally disturbed. This parent is also highly intelligent and is capable of using their logical side to manipulate their children to hate the other parent. The children, because their emotional development is impaired by the alienating parent, will have a greater risk of problems in the future because they are being shaped improperly. While this syndrome may be correctable, it takes significant intervention and commitment from the judge. The alienating parent is severely disturbed. These parents often become highly bonded with their children and may do almost anything to keep their children with them. These parents often make false allegations of abuse, neglect, domestic violence, and any number of other serious allegations. Eventually, the children will reject the offending parent and may end up in therapy or institutional care.
Utilizing a Team Approach
Investing in a skilled attorney is paramount for successful parenting in the midst of a parental alienation situation. No matter the amount of collaboration and involvement your co-parent and you have, this is a process with inherent conflicts because both parents want what is best for their children. The following resources and tips will help you to choose the right legal representation for your case prior to the hearing.
While it is important to be as involved as possible in your legal process, the courts do not want to see pro se litigants (non-attorneys) handling their own cases and acting like an attorney. A quick internet search based on the state of your case provides a list of attorneys and law firms that are experienced in parental alienation custody and co-parenting disputes. Reputable counsel often provides free consultations because they recognize that clients need to ask various questions to make an informed decision.
It may be tempting to hire the first attorney to agree to take your case. Do not hire someone in haste, or you may further complicate the situation. It is worth taking the time to compare and interview three to four attorneys to ensure that you receive the best representation possible. The experience and personality of your attorney will probably influence the outcome of your case. Look for an attorney who is supportive yet firm while also communicating honestly about the process.
Preparing yourself for confronting the challenges of parental alienation when you appear in court is essential for helping to prove your defense. A reputable attorney should evaluate the facts of your unique case, provide an estimate of your retention, and prepare you for what to expect at the hearing.
The Psychological and Emotional Component
It goes without saying that parental alienation is a sin of the parent, not of the child. Given the dysfunction that drives a parent to alienate their child from the other loving, responsible parent, the parent suffering the effects of parental alienation must have the emotional fortitude not to give in to hopelessness or despair. Rather, they must find ways to support themselves and their children. Such interventions can be offered in some cases by the Guardian Ad Litem, the child’s therapist, or even experts who have been hired for the purpose of assessing the family dynamic. Therapies by and between parent and child are scheduled and parenting time with the other parent is facilitated. New friends are often made. If the child has received therapy, the therapist is frequently helpful in working with the parent in identifying new ways to approach parenting time with the child. Sometimes the locksmith has to come to your house and re-key the doors-that is, one parent may have to get the other parent’s permission to alter the otherwise scheduled times so that the estranged parent can work with supervisors and/or therapists to re-establish the relationship. The parent should document the parent-child’s therapy and interactions. One way the parent can do that is to schedule a session with the therapist to assess the parent’s parenting. If the parent is getting parenting time under the supervision of a friend or relative, the supervisor should be encouraged to keep a diary of the times the parenting occurs and any observations and insights into the child’s reaction to the parent. Often the therapist will note and confirm the supervisor’s diary notes. Other therapy modalities have been proposed. Dr. Janet Randal Gottlieb recommends a therapy called Parent Coaching. She explains , This process gives the children a stable environment. They learn to detach from the conflict and feel empowered, cherished, and appreciated. Through validating the child you let them know that you love them and that what they feel and see is OK. We often think that we know what our children are thinking. However, we often don’t know what to do or say to help. Parent Coaching empowers the parents and helps them learn what to say, what to do. Many therapists also use Parent Facilitation. This modality is also called Parent Coordination. The goal is to help parents find what works for them so they can work together as co-parents. These modalities require the parents to collaborate and agree on the structure, boundaries, and the rules the child should follow. There is also needed to be patience for the parents to follow through. There are many reasons the child will try to maintain contact with the parents. One example of Parent Facilitation is to teach your children to call you once each day to reassure them that you love them and are there for them. Children will use emotions to get what they need and want. In this case, they want to stay in the other parent’s good graces. However, when the pressure is on they know you are just phone call away. The more limited the time is to talk, the more they want to talk. The more days they go without talking to you, the more they want to talk to you. This will give them the empowerment, stability and comfort that is needed to fulfill their emotional needs.
Your Presentation is Everything
Presenting your case effectively in court is essential for those facing parental alienation, as the outcome of your case can significantly affect your relationship with your child. Here are some strategies to ensure your arguments and evidence are presented in the most effective way possible:
Presenting evidence effectively
Your evidence should be clear, focused, and relevant to the issues of your case. It may include:
Witnesses. If you have witnesses to key incidents or to support statements made by your child(ren), they should be carefully prepared. Take the time to compile a list of questions you plan to ask them and rehearse in front of someone you trust. It’s also a good idea to prepare yourself if it is appropriate considering age and circumstances.
Your lawyers. Parental alienation is particularly difficult to prove if you as the parent suffer from an emotional or mental illness. To combat this, you need good lawyers who can present your case clearly and concisely. Start as soon as possible to build up a good relationship with your legal team. Many cases are lost on failing to have good advice during proceedings.
Make a compelling argument
A letter or e-mail that is sent to a judge or magistrate is far less effective than fronting up in person and being able to verbally argue your case in front of them. In addition, being seen to take action yourself will help demonstrate that you are committed to doing what is necessary for the betterment of your children. Remember, the overall goal here is getting your children to come back to you, and you want to be able to show your judge and magistrate that you are pursuing what is best for them.
Act professionally during all hearings
Presenting your case in court can be a daunting affair. You need to remain calm and collected at all times. If you allow your emotions to get the better of you, you could lose valuable contact time with your children. To present your case in the best possible light, you need to show:
If you fail to follow these instructions, you can be found in contempt of a federal court order. Even though the punishment might not be jail time, you may be fined or you could also find yourself being supervised when you meet with your children, or even subjected to live monitoring by a GP. It can be distressing to discover that the court has no hesitation in severely punishing a parent who is not prepared to comply with court orders.
After the Trial
After you claim victory, it’s up to you to enforce the orders of the court. You can’t just get a court-ordered visit with your child one month and then expect to go back to the judge for another hearing so that you can see your child again. If you believe the other parent is not complying with the court’s order, you will need to rush back to the courtroom to enforce the order. In doing so, you must pay strict attention to the details of your order and how the other parent is violating it. It may be that your child’s custodial parent is whimsically rewarding a child for behaving well. However, if the order specifically states that rewards may occur only after the completion of a written assignment, then the reward in question is not a reward at all. The violation may seem minor but, when you come back in front of the judge, your attention to detail may be a deciding factor in whether the judge decides to enforce the order .
A judgment by the court ends the initial process of a case. However, it does not stop future court appearances regarding the same case. You may feel exhausted by the process at the end of your trial, but it needs to be remembered that the process may not be over. In many cases, the losing party may even appeal the trial court’s decision. It is always a good idea to consider the possibility of appeal and to develop a strategy with your attorney in the event of an appeal.
The most important step that you can take after winning your case is to maintain and nurture the relationship between you and your child. Your child has been through a very stressful time with no fault of his or her own. Your child may now have feelings that are unresolved. You may need to spend time talking, playing, listening, and just being with your child before diving headfirst into a full-blown relationship.